Magical Mystery Bug - Beatles PC humor

Internet Is Fun
(to the tune of Mother Nature's Son)

Logging in to a chat room,
Internet is Fun
All day long,
I'm tying up the phone lines as I chat.

Going onto web pages,
Internet is Fun
Browsing pages,
I'm comparing downloads from each one.

Finally I'm logging off,
Internet is Fun
Now I'm busy,
Looking at the stuff I downloaded.

Aaah...

Internet is Fun

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Batman

Let me tell you to see this movie
There's a good actor called George Clooney
Yeah He's the Batman,
yeah, He's the Batman

There are few good movies for this summer.
forget raptors and catch a bat fever..
Let's see the Batman,
Let's, see the Batman

It's a batmobile, that will roam the street
Let's meet Mr. Freeze, he can take out you heat
That cute batgirl , will get you on your feet..
batman and Robin, they move with the speed.
Batman

Yeah's He's the Batman,
yeah He's the batman

Don't ask me why I see it for(Ah Ah Mr. Bruce Wayne)
All I really want is too see it more.(Ah Ah Mr. Freeze)
'cause I like the Batman.
yeah, I like the Batman

Here's my advice: be early in line..
the tickets will appear before your eyes.

Yeah you'll like the Batman,
yeah, you'll like the Batman
And you'll seeing this movie with me
Batman..

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I Should Have Known AOL Better

I should have known better with AOL like them
That I would hate everything that they do
And I do, hey hey hey, and I do

Whoa, whoa, I never realized that AOL wasn't free
this not only happen to me
Can't they see, can't they see

That when I tell them that I hate them, oh
they're gonna say they bill me too, hoo, hoo, hoo, oh
And when I ask to them to cancel mine.
They're gonna say they bill me, too..

So, oh I never realized how much was AOL fee
this not only happen to me
Can't they see, can't they see

That when I tell them that I hate them, oh
They're gonna see the bunch of "me too", hoo, hoo, hoo, oh
And when I ask them to cancel mine
They're gonna say they bill me too

Whoa whoa I never realized they wanted to censor me.
this not only happen to me
Can't they see, can't they see

That when I tell they that I hate them, oh
They're gonna say they bill me too, hoo, hoo, hoo, oh
And when I ask them to cancel mine.
They're gonna say they bill me too
They bill me too
they bill me too

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And I Hate Mac
to the tune of "And I Love Her")

I see them in the store
I start to laugh
Those people are pretty dumb:
Ones who buy Macs

And I hate Mac

PC's give you everything
and quickly
The idiots with "power" Macs
cry endlessly

And I hate Mac

A PC like mine
will never die
as long as I
upgrade cheaply

Bright is Win 95
Dark is their screen
I know this PC of mine
will never die

And I hate Mac

Bright is Win 95
Dark is their screen
I know this PC of mine
will never die

And I hate Mac

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Real Audio

All my little MIDIs and WAVs,
They're something that I used to have,
Seems that all I really was doin',
Was waitin' for ra 2.

Just like little girls and boys,
Playing with computer toys,
Seems like all we really were doin',
Was converting sound files.

No need to have poor sound,
No need to have poor sound.
It's real audio,
It's real.
Yes it's real audio,
It's real.

From this moment on I know,
Exactly where my WAVs can go,
Seems that all I really was doin',
Was deleting MIDI files.

No need to be afraid,
No need to be afraid.
We've got real audio,
It's real.
Yes it's real audio,
It's Real.

Thought my WAVs were good before,
But in my heart I wanted more,
Now I think I've found the key,
It's real audio 3!

No need to be without,
No need to be without.
It's real audio,
It's real.
Yes it's real audio,
It's real.

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Lucy In the Sky With Diode

Picture yourself with software to deliver
Your code won't compile with two thousand tries
Somebody calls to walk through your new program
A girl with oscilloscope eyes

Silicon RAM chips that mess up your screen
Showering rays through your head
Look for your brain at the end of the day
And it's gone
Lucy in the sky with diodes
Lucy in the sky with diodes
Lucy in the sky with diodes

Follow her down past her desk by a mountain
Of documentation, you ask yourself why
Everyone smiles as you fumble through spec sheets
That read so incredibly dry

Verification appears such a chore
Yawning the hours away
Climb up a wall looking for the dead code
Then you're gone
Lucy in the sky with diodes
Lucy in the sky with diodes
Lucy in the sky with diodes

Picture yourself with your own new workstation
With parallel ports and a fast floppy drive
Suddenly someone is there with your paycheck
The girl with oscilloscope eyes
Lucy in the sky with diodes
Lucy in the sky with diodes
Lucy in the sky with diodes

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Letter B ( parody of Let It Be)

when i find i can't remember
what comes after a
and before c
my mother always whispers words of wisdom
letter b

she told me b starts
big and bird and
ball and bat and battery
yes buh buh buh buh buh means
letter b

letter b, letter b, letter b, letter b
she whispers buh buh buh means letter b

and when i feel downhearted,
mother whispers
b words constantly
like bib, bob, bulb, and bubble
letter b

now in my hour of darkness
there's a sound i know will comfort me,
it's the buh buh buh buh buh of letter b

letter b, letter b, letter b, letter b
my mother whispers b words,
letter b

letter b, letter b, letter b, letter b
my mother whispers b words,
letter b

letter b, letter b, letter b, letter b
bless the buh-buh sound of letter b

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Lonely Users
Original : Eleanor Rigby

Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Guru MacKenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn't it fun?
Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
Where is the style?

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
What is it worth?
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the blood off his hands as he walks from the grave;
Nothing was saved.

All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

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Monopoly
(to Yesterday)

Monopoly -- I thought my errors had all gone away.
Now it looks as if they'll always stay.
I recompiled Monopoly!

Suddenly, it's not half the game it used to be.
There's a core dump sitting next to me.
Oh, Monopoly died suddenly!

Why it had to blow, I don't know.
What could it be?
I did something wrong, now I long for Monopoly.

Monopoly -- it was such an easy game to play.
Now the logic has all gone away.
Oh, why get me, Monopoly?

Why it had to blow, I don't know.
What could it be?
I did something wrong, now I long for Monopoly.

Monopoly -- It was such an easy game to play.
Now I need some space to work away.
Oh, why besiege my Monopoly?

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Unix Man
(to The Beatles' "Nowhere Man")

He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX .plans
For nobody

Knows the blocksize from 'du'
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?

UNIX Man, don't worry
It's the tube that's blurry
UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned

He's as wise as he can be
Programs in lex, yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me
At all?

UNIX Man, please listen
My printout is missin'
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is your 'at' command

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When I'm Sixty Four
(to the same tune)

When I get older, losing my hair,
Many years from now,
I will still be sittin' at a terminal,
Number crunching giving me hell,
Rewriting programs, running them through,
Logged in evermore.
I'll always be here.
I'll never leave here
'Til I'm sixty-four.

It would be dandy getting this done,
If it were correct.
But here I sit from Friday night 'til Saturday,
Sunday morning typing away.
One hundred hours all through the week,
Printouts on the floor.
I'll always be here.
I'll never leave here
'Til I'm sixty-four.

Send me a post card, drop me a line
From your graduate school.
Mail it "care of Barton Hall two-twenty-five."
Let me know if I'm still alive!
There you will find me buried beneath
Printouts by the score.
I'll always be here.
I'll never leave here
'Til I'm sixty-four.

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Berkeley 4.3
Original : Yellow Submarine

In the RAM
where I was forked,
lived a ROM,
who sailed the C...

And he told,
me of his life,
in the Berkeley,
4.3...

We all live in the Berkeley 4.3,
Berkeley 4.3, Berkeley 4.3.
We all live in the Berkeley 4.3,
Berkeley 4.3, Berkeley 4.3.

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Write in C

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."

As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."

Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
Don't even mention COBOL.
Write in C.

(and what about C++ ?)

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Yellow Subroutine

In the town where I was born,
Lived a man, who played with 'C'.
And he coded his whole life
On a stack of Function Keys.

So we traced to his data schemes,
Til we found a 'C' routine..
And we lived beneath the SAVES,
In our yellow Sub-Routine...

Chorus:
WE ALL live in A YELLOW SUB-ROUTINE,
YELLOW SUB-ROUTINE, YELLOW SUB-ROUTINE .... (ETC)

When our friends are on the boards,
Many MODEMS RETURN NEXT:FOR
Then the BAUD RATE goes astray...
(B-B-BEEP, BEEP BEEP B-B-BEEP..)

Chorus (IF YOU CAN STAND IT!)

As we live in Memories
Every one of us Returns Linefeeds...
CPU and 'C' Routine,
In our yellow SUB-Routine...

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Bill Gates
(to the tune of Get Back)

Bill Gates was a man who thought he wasn't a loser
But Microsoft wouldn't last..
Bill Gates who came up with DOS and the nice Windows
is planning for the net control.

Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net isn't belong to you.
Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net isn't belong to you.
Get back, Bill Gates. Go home!

The great man named Bill Gates thought he wasn't a geek.
but his crews are surly geeks.
Some people around him say he's got it building.
But he builds it while he can.

Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net isn't belong to you.
Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net isn't belonged to you.
Get back, Bill Gates. Go home!

Oh! Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net isn't belong to you.
Yeah! Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net isn't belong to you.
Get back, Bill Gates. Go home!

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Coding In C
(A Parody of Octopus's Garden)

I'd like to be coding in C
In the Sun Computer lab in the shade
Stay up all night, program it right
In a Sun Computer lab in the shade

I'd ask my friends to program C
in the computer lab with me
I'd like to be coding in C
In a Sun Computer lab in the shade.

We've never done using the Sun
In our little hideaway making lots of fun.
banking our head until we're dead.
In a Sun Computer lab in the shade

We would code and hack around
because we know we can't be found
I'd like to be coding in C
In a Sun computer lab in the shade

We would shout and scream about
our codes that pile up on the dirty floor
(Pile up on the dirty floor)
Oh what joy for all programmer boys
Knowing file system's never be safe..
(file system's never be safe)

We would be coding to death you and me
No one there to help us about C
I'd like to be coding in C
In a Sun computer lab with you.
In a Sun computer lab with you.
In a Sun computer lab with you.

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Yesterday

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away.
Microsoft brought new ones here to stay.
Oh, how I wish for yesterday.

Suddenly,
Nothing works at all efficiently.
GPFs are running rampantly.
Oh, Microsoft, just please leave me!

Why we had to go
To Windows 95
I couldn't say.
Windows just works wrong.
How I long for yesterday.

Suddenly,
OS/2 was praised triumphantly
But was marketed pathetically.
Now 95 is haunting me.

Why 95 is alive
I just can't say.
Bill just stole the Mac
And went back
To Yesterday.

Ah yesterday --
So where do I want to go today?
To a place where Gates is far away.
Oh, how I wish for yesterday.

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The Strong and Binding Load
(to the tune of The long and Winding Road)
The strong and binding load that cleaves to your drawers
Swilled beavers shift your gears
Obscene fat toads at war
In hallways filled with beer...leaking out your pores!

The wide and witless blight of your brain cast to waste
Has left a drooling leer
Frozen on your face
Frogs squeeze meat in your ear...rotting up the place!

Zany rhymes that you moan
Show signs of brain decline
Dumb as clay, full of mold
An empty vapid mind
But still they seep in cracks
To the long and grinding nose
You goosed me in the rear
King Kong climbed for dough
Don't keep me wretching here (don't keep me wretching)
Breed me on the floor!

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Mac Man

Just some background:
Macman was the nickname of the newspaper's computer guru,
Mr. Sweetwood was the editor, Mr. Shaw the publisher and
Greg Pike the Supreme Computer Guru

Let me tell you how it will be
I hook up new technology
'Cos I'm the Macman
Yeah, I'm the Macman
If your screens appear to small
Be thankful you got them at all
'Cos I'm the Macman
Yeah, I'm the Macman
If you Mac breaks down, I'll fix it right
If your screen turns black I'll make it white
If your files won't save, don't get uptight
But if you want it quick, then ask Greg Pike
Macman
'Cos I'm the Macman
Yeah, I'm the Macman
With Macs we'll tease and then we'll laugh
(Ah Ah, Mister Sweetwood)
As we give them to the East Zone staff
(Ah, ah, Mr. Shaw)
'Cos I'm the Macman
Yeah, I'm the Macman
Now that a Mac is on your desk
Will you stop being such a pest?
'Cos I'm the Macman
Yeah, I'm the Macman
And you're relying on no-one but me
Macman

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A DAY ON THE NET
(A Day In The Life)

I read a post today, oh boy
About a boring man, who made a page
And though the page was rather bad
Well I just had to laugh
Tho' I had read just half

He saw a .gif today, oh boy
It had a well known pic; used before
A crowd of surfers clicked on "Back"
I headed for the door
I've seen that pic before

I'd love to log... on...

Woke up, got on the net
T'get as much, as I could get
Found my way inside, a chat room
But that chat room, would soon be my tomb

Ahhhhhhh....

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